The Newest Vasey!

Well, our family just grew by one person…a petite 18 month-old person who has fair skin, wide almond-shaped eyes, wispy hair, a turned up little nose and the perfect bow-shaped lips. Her name is Anne, and she’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

Adoption day (known as “Gotcha Day” in the adoption community) began slowly and without much fanfare. We got out of bed by 8:00, were down in one of the hotel restaurants making use of their breakfast buffet by 9:00, back to the room by 10:00 and out walking around by 11:00. Problem was, we didn’t know where to go or what to do in Nanning, so we headed for People’s Park, a massive and quite impressive manicured park just behind our hotel. We ran into and introduced ourselves to another American adoptive couple, Pierre and Maureen, who with their new little girl were headed to the park as well. We got ahead of them quickly and found ourselves walking down a lushly canopied sidewalk with a lake on our left. This park was populated entirely by native Chinese, and they all looked at us like we were from Mars as we passed by them. I remember a group of elderly folks assembled under a tree playing their traditional Chinese instruments and singing. Harsh music and vocals if you’re not used to them, but it was neat to see something so authentic. Later on, we ran into another couple we had met the day before, Terry and Pam, who were strolling with their new little girl. We chatted for about an hour underneath a shady tree and learned that when they had passed a group of musicians they were serenaded with American square dance music!!!! It was kind of a funny gesture by the otherwise very serious Chinese. Do they really think we square dance all day long?

We spent another hour walking around this beautiful park, complete with lakes, coy ponds, amusement park, boat rides, and food stands, before we decided to head out and start thinking about lunch. It was about 1:00 at this point. What we really wanted to do was have the 4 hours before we were scheduled to leave the hotel to get Annie pass quickly, and we were simply trying to kill time. On the way back to the hotel we went into a Chinese department store across from our hotel and eventually found the grocery store that was attached. We picked up some goodies for ourselves at an incredibly reduced priced when compared to the hotel’s gift shop, and we upstairs by 1:30.

After dilly-dallying around for a few minutes, we decided to take naps…the last ones we’d probably get for a long time. To our surprise, the phone rang at 3:45 and it was our guide, Linda, telling us that she had some good news for us. Instead of leaving to get Annie at 5:15, we were asked to come sooner. Now, we were asked to be in the hotel lobby by 4:30! So we shot out of bed, took quick showers, changed into nice clothes, and kept thinking how the time had finally come. Colleen scurried back and forth gathering up all the necessary paperwork, Annie supplies, etc., while I sort of sat around waiting to be assigned a task. I was the camera guy, solely responsible for making sure the still and video cameras were ready, loaded, charged, etc. To say the least, it was a giddy moment.

Finally, we headed downstairs with loaded camera bag, orphanage donations (thanks to Lindsay and Cathy for their generosity!!!!!), paperwork, supply bag, and money. We quickly met the other two families in out group, the Howells and the Olivieris, and we boarded the minibus to the hotel across town where we’d receive our girls. The ride over was joyous and hopeful, and we all chatted easily about anything that came to mind. After about 15 minutes, we pulled up to the building, gushed out of the minivan and headed into the lobby. I remember remarking to Colleen that 18 months of waiting had been cut down to 5 minutes. Amazing. We went up to the third floor, and then down a hall to a semi-official looking waiting room with a few Chinese folks sitting around and waiting for something. We took seats as well, thinking these folks were, perhaps, orphanage officials. 2 minutes later, we were informed that this was a marriage approvals office and that we were supposed to go to the 4th floor. So, up we got and headed back to the elevators. Once in the 4th floor corridor, we were asked to just wait while our guide, Linda, talked things over with a couple of women who obviously knew what they were doing. The wait seemed long because we knew we were literally within seconds of getting our daughters and that they had to be somewhere very nearby.

A minute or two later we were escorted into a large room with white walls, polished wooden floors, and fake leather sofas. This would be the room in which we would get our daughters and see our lives changed forever. This is the room I had wondered about for 18 months, the one we would find our way to from 9,000 miles away, and that Annie would find her way to from 100 miles away. This was the room.

A pleasant Chinese woman cam in and introduced us to 3 women, each of whom was the director of one of the girls’ orphanages. They were all lovely, and obviously loved their little girls. Then, in came the girls. One by one, our names were called and, in each case, the mothers stepped forward while the fathers stayed back to film and take pictures. I was so busy trying to see if the first baby who came into the room was Annie that I almost missed Annie’s actual entrance. But here she was, tiny, fragile, adorable. She was wearing a yellow sun dress with a little cartoon character on the front and pink, transparent plastic sandals. It was hot out, so summer clothes were the only option…unlike her big sister who came to us in Wuhan in the dead of winter with about 20 pounds of clothes on.

I was very surprised. She was smaller than I thought she would have been and she didn’t cry. She seemed more stunned by the whole experience of all these new people than anything else. Her face was as straight and deadpan as it could be as Colleen took her into her arms. She looked Colleen in the eyes and seemed to think nothing. Then, she looked at me and seemed to say “I was expecting a bit more.” But still, no crying, no fussing. Just stunned silence. One of the other little girls was also being very quiet while the third was absolutely screaming her head off. All the adopted girls deal with this separation differently: some cry, some moan, some grieve quietly. In each case, though, they grieve, and we don’t blame them one bit. We’d grieve too, and probably much more pathetically than these beautiful little girls do.

15 minutes later we were back on the bus to the hotel. The whole thing was very efficient, and we were happy about that. Once up in the room, it was obvious that Annie had already bonded with Colleen. She hugged and held onto Colleen, and was very happy to snuggle in and get comfy. I was another story. Annie would look at me face to face and let me touch her and kiss her, but she would NOT let me hold her without letting our a cry. She was also not willing to let Colleen out of her sight. Annie (we call her “Sha Sha” because her Chinese name is Guo Sha, and we were told by the director that the ladies at her orphanage had taken to calling her Sha Sha…very cute little nick name!) and Colleen had bonded and, again, I am reminded that the parent-child bond is not genetic…it is emotional. Too often, people confuse the emotional attachment with biology, but biology doesn’t have much to do with parenthood other than the process of making and delivering a baby. Almost anyone can make and deliver a baby; after that, parenthood rests squarely in the hearts of parents and children, not in transferred DNA.

While playing on the floor back in the room, Annie continued to be stone-faced and very quiet. There was no attempt to play or to be proactive. She was simply still in shock. She would take things we gave her, and put them down as we gave her new things, but that was about it. At about 6:00, we took her down to one of the hotel restaurants where she ate a big meal of chicken congee, bread, pieces of French fries, and juice. She may be a bit despondent, but she had an appetite…which is always welcome news. We struck up conversations with a few families we hadn’t met yet (one from Long Island) and had a great first dinner together.

By 7:00, we were back upstairs. Colleen was getting Annie changed into her new jimmies while I quickly uploaded the first pictures of my daughter onto my laptop to email home to grandparents, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. Annie fell asleep on her back on our bed and, after 30 minutes or so Colleen picked up her limp little body and transferred it to her little crib in the other room. We put two nice blankets over her, shut the door, and marveled at how easy the first day had been. She was out, snoring like a lumberjack, and we looked forward to our first full day with her. What a blessing.