That's All, Folks!

Let me begin this final blog entry by writing BLAST!!!!!!!!!! I just lost the entire text of this same blog entry when Safari unexpectedly shut down. Two full pages!!!! So now I’m trying to re-construct what I lost. I write again, BLAST!!!!!!

Thursday the 25th was not technically the last day of our trip to China, but it was the last day during which anything official took place. Today, our group of three families, along with about 50 other American adoptive families, went to the US Consulate in Guangzhou for the “swearing in,” as adoptive families call the ceremony. All 100 or so of us boarded four or five buses at the White Swan Hotel to make the 30-minute drive to the Consulate. Due to the oppressive heat and humidity here in southern China, and also to the fact that our old bus had no A/C to speak of, the ride seemed much longer. Still, about 30 minutes later we found ourselves in the city center, surrounded by many massive skyscrapers (some 80 floors high!), manicured parks, and spotless sidewalks. We gushed off the bus and headed into the building that houses the US Consulate. And a motley crew we were, too. Some of us (self and wife included) chose to dress up just a bit for the occasion; others simply wore shorts, t-shirts, and sandals. Why they could not see fit to respect the occasion a bit more I don’t know. We weren’t headed to the beach, we were headed to a formal government ceremony after which our children will be American citizens! Whatever…

Anyway, the building was nicely air conditioned, so we were thrilled. Via escalator, we all went up to the 4th floor, cleared security (no cameras allowed at all, which is whey you see no pix of the ceremony), and found ourselves in a large waiting room with about 150 chairs arranged in rows. We took seats and waited for instructions from our various guides. After about 15 minutes, we were told to line up at one of the many windows. There, officials would visually match our names and faces to our adoption paperwork and passports. The, we took our seats again. 10 minutes later, one of the top US officials in the Consulate came out and addressed us all via microphone. He began with a few short words about how this year the U.S. would far surpass last year’s record of well over 8,000 Chinese adoptions, how this was the world’s largest adoption center, and how lucky these little girls (and a few boys) were to have us. Sidebar: why do so many people refer to these little girls as “lucky” and never mention how equally lucky we, the parents, are???? People make the mistake of thinking we adopt the girls as act of charity. We don’t. We adopt them because we either PREFER to have families through adoption (as is the case with Colleen and me) or because we MUST have families through adoption. In the end, we want families. And yes, the little Chinese girls are lucky, but no luckier than we are.

Anyway, after the official’s short address, the ceremony ended in a flash when he asked all of us collectively, “Is the information you have provided the United States, written and oral, fully accurate?” We all answered either “It is” or “Yes.” The, he offered his congratulations and we all broke into applause and congratulated those around us, even if we didn’t know who they were. 10 minutes later, we were back on our buses and headed to the hotel.

This was the last night we would have with our travel group as they were headed home the next day while Colleen and I were headed home in two days. A last communal dinner was a given and we decided to eat at Lucy’s, a thoroughly American restaurant about 2 blocks from the hotel. It was built along the lines of a very casual beachfront restaurant in Florida, something like The Snook in Marco Island for those of you who have been there. It is covered in posters of American movies and movie stars, license plates from all the U.S. states, has outdoor seating with thatched umbrellas and colored lights overhead and American music playing throughout. The menu is also thoroughly American: spaghetti, cheeseburgers, chicken wraps, French fries, blueberry cheesecake, etc.

We had a fantastic time, and the occasion was bittersweet. One the one hand, we were all anxious to get home to our lives and our families after over 2 weeks away. On the other hand, we all became very close to each other in a very short period of time. We had literally built our families in the presence and with the help of the 2 other families in our travel group. We shared each other’s happiness and helped each other through the tough spots. We made each other laugh, learned about each other’s lives, ate together, and even watched over each other’s kids for short periods of time. Bonds were formed, and I know Colleen and I will miss the other two families in our group very much. We sincerely hope to stay in touch with them, especially since they live fairly close to us.

After dinner we went back to the hotel for the last step of the trip” a group picture (see accompanying photo). The shot was taken in the hotel’s massive waterfall atrium at night, so the light wasn’t very good, but I still like the shot. The family on the left side of the picture is the Howells (Roy and Kelly, with first daughter Ally), and the family on the right side of the picture is the Oliveris, (Nat and Kathy, with new daughter Lyric). You might recognize the family in the center.

So now they’re all on airplanes home, and our little family leaves tomorrow. We spent the day by ourselves today, doing a little last minute shopping for family and friends (see photo of Colleen and Michael of Michael's Gift Shop, one of Guangzhou's many), eating lunch and having drinks at Blendz (a Starbucks-like coffee house and eatery...see photo of interior) and resting while Sha Sha napped. We also got most of our packing done well ahead of time, thanks to Colleen. Only a few do-dads left to pack, and then off to bed. The journey home will be a long one. We have a 4:30 AM pick-up tomorrow, arrive at Hong Kong Airport at 7:00, take off for Newark Airport at 10:15, land just after 2:00 PM local time, and should be home in Norwalk by about 4:30 PM. That means the time between hotel pick-up and arrival at home is 24 hours!!! Whoa. On the other end, though, are Emma and home. We miss both very much.

So the journey is just about over. But what a ride! It was thrilling, tiring, emotional, hysterical, enlightening, social, mind opening, re-affirming, and heartening. We will never forget a single moment of this trip, just as we’ve never forgotten a single moment of our trip over to get Emma. And, we’re even looking forward to our next trip over, probably in about 2 years. Our third daughter’s name, by the way, will be Mary.

Adoption is not for everyone, but for those who want or need to adopt to start a family it is an utterly delightful, rewarding, and beautiful way to go about it. Just seeing all the families here who are giddy with happiness as they begin their new lives with their new children speaks for itself. Thanks to adoption, Colleen and I now have two gorgeous, happy, intelligent, and confident little girls who will undoubtedly go on to great things. And what a thrill to know that our family spans two cultures!

We stopped by our church in Westport a few hours before leaving for the airport to begin our journey back on the 11th. We asked God to bless our journey, our new daughter, and our family going forward. We have not been disappointed and we continue to grateful for His blessings.

Thanks to all for reading and for your emails of support. We look forward to having you be an integral part of our family from here on out!

A Big Day For Daddy

This was the day Colleen and I have been hoping for: Sha Sha has warmed up completely to me and even seeks me out as a play partner. Also, Sha Sha is now officially a VERY goofy little girl. Her personality is emerging at light speed these days, and it seems more and more that she will be just as goofy, just as silly, and just as happy to be in the spotlight as her big sister.

I'm not even sure where to begin as I think about what to write about her hysterical behavior today. Many of this pictures that accompany this blog entry speak for themselves. At breakfast, Sha Sha spent her time trying to tempt her parents into playing various games with her, and when we did she broke into audible laughter. Later, in the hotel's playroom, Sha Sha played in a very funny way with all the toys that surrounded her. Clearly, she was stunned by all the toys and the unrestricted access she had to all of them. This was not something she was used to, so it took her a few minutes to comprehend her good luck. Sha Sha also spent a big part of the day trying to play patty cake with me...her instigation, not mine.

But the biggest moments for daddy came in the evening when we were back at the playroom for the second time. There, Sha Sha became an absolute ham for everyone in the room and especially for the camera. Look at the photo of her balancing herself on her head and laughing. She thought she was a riot...and she was! Everyone laughed out loud, and the more we laughed, the more she hammed it up. Then, she came over to me repeatedly to rough-house. We rolled around, tickled each other, she got tossed in the air, and hung upside down. Again, laughter and taunting the whole time.

From daddy's viewpoint, though, the best part may have been when we got back up to the room at about 7:00. The playing continued with Sha Sha hiding behind a doorway, peeking out to let me see her with a HUGE smile on her face, and then ducking back behind the door as quickly as she could, laughing out loud. This hide and seek game was a blast for both of us. But then, she ran over to me, held her arms out to be picked up, and then shared the cookie she was eating with me by putting it up to my mouth. Yes, it was wet and mushy, but who cares? Then (and this is the best part of all), she puckered up and leaned forward to give me a kiss. This was about as close to melting as I have ever come. My baby girl wanted to kiss me!!!! There is a God, and if you don't think so, well, wake up.

The word you may have noticed most in this blog entry is "laughter." This is what I notice most about Sha Sha at this point. She's almost always laughing. Only 3 days ago, we had to struggle mightily just to get a smile. Now, we get laughter without even asking for it. Clearly, Sha Sha has let us in and, by all accounts, thinks we're okay in her book. Combined with Emma, we are going to have an insanely wacky couple of little girls...but girls who are also polite, confident, secure, and respectful. What more could ANYONE want? Take a look at the accompanying pictures. They were all taken today, and they pretty much tell the story of the day. Things are good...very good.

We Made It Out!

Praise be, we made it out of Nanning after 8 long days! We had our final breakfast in the hotel restaurant of which we had become so tired, checked out at 10:45, and happily boarded the bus to Nanning Airport. It was about a 30 minute ride and, as she has all along, our guide Linda (in one of the accompanying photos) made sure all our bags were checked in for us and that we had the seats we asked for on the Shenzhen Airlines flight to Guangzhou.

The 1 hour flight was uneventful except when Colleen took out Sha Sha's sealable water bottle to give her a sip. What Colleen hadn't accounted for was the fact that this bottle's seal was air tight, and that the water inside was still pressurized at ground level; the air pressure inside a plane's cabin is set at 8,000 feet, significantly less than ground level. So, when Colleen broke the seal, all the water shot out out the nozzle and all over Colleen. I was laughing, but what really made me crack up was the middle aged Chinese across the aisle who thought this was about the funniest thing he had ever seen. As always, Colleen took the whole thing in stride and had a good laugh herself.

We landed at Guangzhou's huge, modern airport, got our bags immediately, and were escorted to our waiting bus by the White Swan Hotel's representative. An hour later, Colleen and I were back at the hotel we had stayed at two and a half years before when we got Emma. Talk about a surge of memories! Everything was just as we remembered. And, what's so nice is that this really IS a fantastic hotel, unlike the one in Nanning that just billed itself as a nice hotel but was in reality very bland. Linda checked us in and arranged for our bags to be brought to our room shortly.

We only had about 15 minutes in our suite on the 27th floor (see photos) before we had to head down again to take the girls to their medical check-ups a few blocks away (see photos). We took Emma on this same trip to the check-up, and this brought back memories as well. Sha Sha, as she has been since the day we got her, was wonderful...in spite of not having a nap and being flown across China in her first airplane ride. She's such a good soldier. She never complains, never cries, eats whatever is put in front of her (because we insist on her doing so, just as we have always done with Emma), and sleeps like a champ. Turns out She's 22 pounds at 18 months...a tiny little thing! Emma was about 21 pounds when we took her in for her check-up, but she was only 12months!

By now, we were exhausted, hot, and hungry, but we had one more errand to run: laundry. We returned to our hotel and went back up toour room to get all our dirty clothes and then take them around the corner to the place we used two and a half years ago, Jennifer's. They did a great job, folded our stuff beautifully, and didn't charge an arm and a leg. So our stuff is there, we're back in the room, Sha Sha is being hysterical is so many new ways, and we're expecting a thoroughly American dinner to be delivered from a transplanted Brooklynite who owns a restaurant called Danny's Bagels. We have a Philly Cheesesteak, small pizza, 2 soups, and a grilled cheese for Sha Sha. Thank God for American food...we're awfully tired of Chinese food as much as we do like it normally.

It will be so nice to get Sha Sha to bed, rinse off, and hit the sack to watch a little CNN, ESPN, or whatever. We're happy to be here, and keep this fact steadily before us: we're headed home in 4 days. For now,though, we're going to keep having a great time with our group and all the other American adoptive parents who stay here. More tomorrow!

The White Whale

Well, well, well, it’s our last full day in Nanning…and we’re very happy about it. Happily, our group has nothing planned today, so each family is free to do what it chooses. This is also nice because we were able to sleep in until 8:30 since there was no bus to have to get on at 10:00. We rolled in to the Garden Restaurant at about 9:30, 30 minutes before it packs in its breakfast service for the day. The good news is that the other families in out travel group did the same thing and we had a nice breakfast together. Then, we went our separate ways for the day.

Since the second day we were here, I have had quick glimpses of an Adidas store on the corner of two busy streets not too far from our hotel as we passed it in taxis and buses. It looked like a pretty nice store, so I had hoped all along to get back there and see if $120 shoes would cost significantly less if bought here in Nanning. I had a few minutes yesterday to go look for the store by just wandering in the general direction for about an hour, but the White Whale eluded me. I don’t know why I wanted to visit this store so badly. I have no particular preference for Adidas shoes and any other of their various product lines. Perhaps it was the thrill of the hunt; perhaps it was because it was the only Western store I’ve seen here besides Walmart. At any rate, my search yesterday left me tired, hot, and thirsty. To gulp down a liter of tea when I got back to the hotel room was with me the work of a moment. I was, as P.G. Wodehouse once put it, “…like a hart bending toward cooling streams.”

But today would be a different story and my fortitude would be rewarded. Colleen and I managed to let one of the bell boys at the hotel know that we wanted the Adidas store and he successfully communicated our desire to by way of a lengthy discussion to a waiting cabbie. 10 minutes later, we were there. The clouds parted, the sun shone through, and choirs of angels sang their hallelujahs. I had slain my White Whale. All that was left to do was enter and buy.

And buy I did. I found a pair of running shoes (for all the running I do), two “Beijing 2008” t-shirts, a “Beijing 2008” baseball cap, and a little soccer ball for Sha Sha. Colleen was very patient with me, as she always is. This wasn’t her idea of a fun place to shop, but there she was, coming to the aid of the party when aid was what was needed most. But my White Whale wasn’t done yet. It turned out that, for some reason I still don’t understand, the kids behind the counter couldn’t get my American Express card to work, or any of my other cards. Even the manager couldn’t get the problem across to me. No one spoke English! Where are we here, in China!!?? My guess is that either their system was down or they took cards that have anti-identity theft PINS associated with them…which my cards and the cards of most Americans don’t have yet. So, through sign language, the nice girl helping me walked me a block down the street to the nearest cash station and waited for me while I took our some money. We walked back, I paid, we all had a good laugh, Sha Sha slept, Colleen found a restroom, and on we went. Photo of my new shoes included. And yes, they were cheaper than if purchased in the U.S., but not by as much as I had hoped. Still, fun to complete the mission.

Then, it was across the street to a big department store to get Sha Sha some shoes and maybe some clothes. Very nice store, and “Chippy” (a nickname I have for her because she’s so tiny that she looks like a little chip of something much larger) came away with 2 pairs of shoes and a fisherman’s hat (see picture). Emma got some clippies for her hair. There was a very fancy Pizza Hut attached to this store, so we ducked in there for a little lunch, headed by taxi back to Walmart to get some cups with straws built in for Sha Sha, and then we took a taxi home.

It’s now 3:30 in the afternoon on the 22nd and I’m in the living room while Sha Sha sleeps in the bedroom. Colleen is down at the hotel store looking for something or other. Tonight, we will pack our mountains of stuff with great happiness in preparation for our flight to Guangzhou tomorrow. It’s only a one-hour flight, so no worries. No worries about the 16 hour flight home since Sha Sha is so good and mellow. I remember that Emma had us very anxious and off our feeds for days before the trip home. Not this one…she’ll sit and play, sleep, or eat the whole time.

And speaking of Sha Sha, she continues to make progress every day. Today, she walked all around our two rooms, playing with every little thing she could touch. She turned door knobs, open cabinets, felt table legs and sofa cushions, and all while not really caring where we were or if we were interested. All of a sudden, she’s become much more curious and a bit more busy. This is VERY good news. Only a day or two ago she would sit like a bump on a log until we came over to get her. Now she’s all curiosity and somewhat independent. She is also starting to do things specifically to amuse us. It’s really cute to watch her do something funny and then see her look right at us to see if we saw her. Her latest tricks are to a) drop things behind her back and b) open her mouth all the way, as if she were in a dentist’s chair, and hold the position until we do it back to her. She also likes toplay ball with me now, throwing it across the room only to have me fetch it, give it back to her, and have her throw it again. Simple pleasures, but worth more than gold any day.

So now, a nap may be in order, preceded immediately by some Ipod action. Then, an early dinner, packing, “…and so to bed,” as Samuel Pepys put it at the end of many of his diary entries.

Next blog from Guangzhou, China, near Hong Kong. Bye!

Catching Up

As my devoted readers have no doubt noticed and despaired over, I have not been able to submit a blog entry for a few days now. Perhaps “able” wasn’t the best choice of words; “inspired” might be a better choice. Sitting around in Nanning waiting for 8 days to pass has robbed me of inspiration. This is not a knock against the delightful Nanningians we’ve met and by whom we’ve been surrounded. It’s just that, in spite of being a big city with a lot of action, there isn’t much for an adoptive family to do. And so, we haven’t done much.

But we have made a few outings with our group and this has helped the time pass just a bit. 3 days ago, we had a very American day: we went to Walmart in the late morning and then to McDonald’s for lunch. The Walmart was very similar to the stores one would see in the US: big, confusing, inexpensive. We actually did have a few things we needed to buy, such as diapers, shoes, baby soap, a table fan for me…I need some white noise while I sleep. This is a noisy hotel. If hotel door slamming were an Olympic event, the Chinese would run the medal stand and their anthem would ring proudly across this great country of theirs. A special shout out, too, to the gentleman outside our window who dutifully shovels up gravel with a steel shovel at 11:30 each night. That metal-on-concrete “shoosh” every 7 seconds allows for deep, restful sleep. To me, this man is one of nature’s gravest blunders and if I find out who he his prompt steps will be taken through the proper channels. Oh yes!!! I also want to thank the Chinese Air Force for heroically doing 3 low-altitude fly-bys at 3:00 and 6:00 A.M. today. If an early morning dog fight ever takes place between China and an enemy over Nanning and the Chinese pilots are forced to go below the hard deck, they’ll be in good shape, and they’ll have every bleary-eyed Nanningian out to cheer them on. Other than this, a very restful hotel.

Another day, we made an outing to the local cultural museum where the various minority groups’ costumes are on display and where the world’s greatest collection of Chinese bronze drums is on display. Now, I’m all for a good bronze drum, especially when it’s up to 2,000 years old. But one can overdo this sort of thing, and I would advise moderation to anyone thinking about visiting this museum. If anyone says to you, “Just one more bronze drum,” be firm. Some were impressive, though. Some were up to 6 feet across, weighed thousands of pounds, and were covered with beautiful engravings. They were status symbols, and I read that if a man had two or three of them he was qualified to usurp the throne. This sounds like the logic the Kennedys would be tempted to use to get themselves elected to various US offices. I don’t recall reading about any of the wealthy ancient Chinese drum owners behaving as idiotically and irresponsibly as the Kennedys, though.

Today, we had our best outing yet. We drove about 30 minutes outside the city to the countryside. It did not take us long to shake the dust of Nanning from our feet and find ourselves in a very small farming village, complete with wandering cows. To the horizon grew corn and rice, and every several hundred feet one could see a field worker toiling away in the hot sun. Life here was slow, agricultural, and traditional. I’m not an expert of Chinese agricultural history like my friend Brad, but I would imagine that things haven’t changed much here in some time. Popping up randomly across each field were near-vertical mountains covered in trees. I have no idea what force of nature put them there, but they were striking. There could be miles of flat rice fields and then BAM! Out of nowhere rises a 1,000-foot protrusion that peaks sharply and then drops off on the other side just as sharply. The farmers just farm around it. It was very relaxing to be out in the country after all the city living we’ve been through, and I could have stayed there all day soaking in the comparatively clean air, atmosphere, and wide-open spaces. But some of our party got hot and we headed out after about 25 or 30 minutes.

So this brings my readers up to speed, and I hope my friend Kevin hasn’t found this entry too long so far. But what about Sha Sha? Well, she continues to be very docile, demure, delicate, dainty, and other D-related words…unlike her big bull of a sister, Emma. She has bonded beautifully with Colleen, but until very, very recently I was viewed with the same skepticism with which one Cold War spy might have viewed another in the Kremlin’s back alleys. We were very concerned, and still are to a certain extent, with her overall development: physical, emotional, etc. However, we know that this delay is something to be expected with children from orphanages (Emma was in foster care, and was probably exposed to much more individual attention than Sha Sha), and we are greatly comforted by the fact that our similarly delayed friend Brad had has begun to make use of the English language and develop his fine motor skills.

We were also a bit concerned with the fact that Sha Sha makes few, if any, sounds to express any sort of emotion. She is, literally, dead quiet. But again, it is important to remember that a) she is still in shock after being given to us, and b) probably had little to no reason to use her voice at all in her orphanage. This is the case with thousands of Chinese adopted babies, and they all catch up and usually exceed their contemporaries. I have to remind myself of this all the time, though. We simply need to be prepared to spend a great deal of time catching Sha Sha up. Her big sister Emma will be a great help, I imagine.

In the last 24 hours, Sha Sha has warmed up to me considerably. She laughs out loud when I tickle her now; she’s happy to be in a room with me while Colleen is away; she’s happy to let me feed her; and most importantly, she let me carry her around today at length without crying hysterically. These are very big steps from daddy’s viewpoint, and I’m SO happy. Sha Sha has also begun to pick food up and feed herself (we think someone fed her her whole life), can put together all her stacking cups, and is now even doing things specifically to entertain us…and when we laugh, she laughs. In short, there is slow but very definite progress in terms of her development and comfort level with us. Some kids just take longer, they grieve longer, and they are simply blessed with different personalities. My guess, and it’s only an early guess, is that Sha Sha’s personality will be a beautiful compliment to Emma’s outgoing, bold, and assertive personality. Sha Sha will probably be quiet, inwardly focused, and reserved. But who knows at this point? She may be just like Emma. Either way, we’re blessed.

So there it is. We’re here in Nanning until the 23rd, and then we’re off to the more pleasant Guangzhou until we fly home on the 27th. We cannot wait to get home. We miss everything about home, especially Emma. I knew it would be hard to be away from her for this long, but I didn’t know I’d miss her nearly to the point of tears. More later…I’m off to explore Nanning on foot by myself and see if I can find any cool stuff to bring home. Colleen is here reading on the couch and Sha Sha is in sleeping off a big lunch that consisted of scrambled eggs, watermelon, dragon fruit, bread, Cheerios, and cherry juice. What her diaper will look like this afternoon I simply cannot say. It is too horrifying to speculate on.

It's Official!

Well, not the most eventful day of our lives, but important in at least one respect: our adoption of Guo Sha (Annie...aka Sha Sha) is official and legal in the eyes of The People’s Republic of China. At about 9:15 this morning, our group of three families was driven back to the building in which we received Sha Sha the day before to fill out our formal adoption documents in the presence of government officials, sign them, fingerprint them, and take an oral oath that we would love and take care of our daughters and not ever abuse them. The directors of the girls’ orphanages were there too to congratulate us, exchange gifts, and, of course, to receive our massive payments. This was a quick ceremony after which we jumped back on our minibus and drove to yet another government office to fill out further paperwork and take more oaths. This took a little longer and the wait was exacerbated by what was obviously a ruptured sewer line somewhere in the building (I thought Annie was just “moving product”).

This done, we all headed back to the hotel and arrived by about noon. Annie (we still haven’t referred to her as “Annie” though…it’s only been Sha Sha since that’s what she was called at her orphanage…she responds to this name and, apparently, it’s a very popular nickname for girls in China) was exhausted so we put her down on our bed and she crashed within a minute or two. This is why suites are needed: Sha Sha could sleep in our room and Colleen and I could go out into the living room and watch BBC World News, eat, nap, chat, whatever, without disturbing our little bunny.

We were ready for lunch, so Colleen went downstairs and down the block to a row of restaurants to get some take out. She came back about 20 minutes later with delicious dumplings, very spicy pickled cucumbers, noodles in broth, barbequed sliced pork, and sautéed bok choy. There was enough food here for 4 people and we ate like kings with chopsticks on our coffee table while watching the news and looking in periodically on Sha Sha.

Sha Sha woke up at about 2:00 and we gave her a quick lunch of formula, noodles and a cookie and then headed out to People’s Park for a leisurely stroll in the warm sun. The sky was cloudless and blue and we did almost a complete lap around the park in about an hour. Sha Sha had never been in a stroller before so it took some getting used to for her. Turns out I had to do the pushing while Colleen walked alongside and held her hand for security. After 30 minutes or so, she must have decided that this was a nice way to get around because she let go of Colleen’s hand and slumped down for a relaxing ride.

We were expected back in the hotel lobby by 4:00 to meet our group and guide for an errand running outing, so we headed back. The group decided, though, that errands were not needed, and so we headed BACK to the park for another walk around as a group. This was okay since the park is so big and beautiful, the day was so nice, and we so sincerely enjoy the company of our group. Already, we’ve formed some great friendships, which did not turn out to be the case with our last group in ’03 (they were great people, but we haven’t stayed in touch with any of them). After about 30 minutes, Roy and Kelly Howell headed back to the hotel, which left us with Nat and Kathy Olivieri from Long Island. Instinctively, Nat and I got out ahead and chatted while Colleen and Kathy dropped behind and chatted…both girls slept the whole time. I truly enjoy Nat’s company. We cracked each other up, like the same music, and seem to share similar opinions on “things.” We all killed about an hour like this and then decided to head back to the hotel around 6:00. We made a quick stop at the grocery store across the street for drinks and munchies and then headed back.

The 3 of us rested for about an hour and headed down to dinner at 7:00. Colleen had Hawaiian pizza, I had spaghetti Bolognese, and Sha Sha had chicken congee, bread, lots of my noodles, and a warm bottle of formula to wash it all down. She may be stoic and fragile so far, but the girl can eat and sleep with the best of them. Reminds me of my friend Brad back home.

At 8:00, one adult member of each family in our group had to show up at our guide’s room to take a phone call from the director of Spence Chapin’s China program in NYC, just to see how things are going and answer a few questions. Since Sha Sha still insists on being with Colleen, those 2 stayed in our room and I went down to take the call. That went fine and after leaving the room and I ran into 2 new friends in the hallway, Terry and Brian (from Boston and Mobile, Alabama respectively) and we got to chatting about everything under the sun right there in the hallway. What a hysterical hour that was! We covered sports, politics, kids, religion, wives, you name it…and all while the beer was flowing (especially in Terry’s direction!). Brian and I decided that we definitely needed to go hunting together, and I have an invite to his place in Mobile to do so. I plan to take him up on this. Terry decided I needed to learn how to fish, so we may get around to that some day. By the way, I never knew a tuna could get to be 1,000 pounds. This was a fun time in the hallway, and just what the guys needed. The funny part is that we were all from different adoption groups! There’s just a certain camaraderie here that makes making friends really easy.

Finally, Brian’s wife stuck her head into the hallway and gave him the old “you’ve played with your friends long enough and it’s time to come home” look, so the party ended there. Terry and I went to our rooms prepared to resume our fatherly duties. Colleen’s first words to me when I walked in were “you were talking to your friends, weren’t you?” She smiled as she asked this, and I was reminded of two of the many reasons I love her so much: first, because she knows me so well and knew exactly why didn’t come right back to the room; secondly, because she knows I love chatting and yucking it up with the guys and doesn’t mind giving me the time and space to do so, even when she would have been perfectly justified in asking me to come right back to the room. I’m damn glad and lucky she’s my wife.

Sha Sha was already asleep on our bed in her little pink jammies. I gave her a couple of kisses on her warm head and Colleen brought her out to her crib in the other room. Another day was over, and we’re one day closer to being able to fly home and get our “real” lives started. We miss everyone at home very much, even though we’re having a good time here. There really is no place like home, especially when you’re on the other side of the planet for 17 days, one of your daughters is 9,000 miles away, and you’ve got a new family to introduce to each other. Soon enough…

The Newest Vasey!

Well, our family just grew by one person…a petite 18 month-old person who has fair skin, wide almond-shaped eyes, wispy hair, a turned up little nose and the perfect bow-shaped lips. Her name is Anne, and she’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

Adoption day (known as “Gotcha Day” in the adoption community) began slowly and without much fanfare. We got out of bed by 8:00, were down in one of the hotel restaurants making use of their breakfast buffet by 9:00, back to the room by 10:00 and out walking around by 11:00. Problem was, we didn’t know where to go or what to do in Nanning, so we headed for People’s Park, a massive and quite impressive manicured park just behind our hotel. We ran into and introduced ourselves to another American adoptive couple, Pierre and Maureen, who with their new little girl were headed to the park as well. We got ahead of them quickly and found ourselves walking down a lushly canopied sidewalk with a lake on our left. This park was populated entirely by native Chinese, and they all looked at us like we were from Mars as we passed by them. I remember a group of elderly folks assembled under a tree playing their traditional Chinese instruments and singing. Harsh music and vocals if you’re not used to them, but it was neat to see something so authentic. Later on, we ran into another couple we had met the day before, Terry and Pam, who were strolling with their new little girl. We chatted for about an hour underneath a shady tree and learned that when they had passed a group of musicians they were serenaded with American square dance music!!!! It was kind of a funny gesture by the otherwise very serious Chinese. Do they really think we square dance all day long?

We spent another hour walking around this beautiful park, complete with lakes, coy ponds, amusement park, boat rides, and food stands, before we decided to head out and start thinking about lunch. It was about 1:00 at this point. What we really wanted to do was have the 4 hours before we were scheduled to leave the hotel to get Annie pass quickly, and we were simply trying to kill time. On the way back to the hotel we went into a Chinese department store across from our hotel and eventually found the grocery store that was attached. We picked up some goodies for ourselves at an incredibly reduced priced when compared to the hotel’s gift shop, and we upstairs by 1:30.

After dilly-dallying around for a few minutes, we decided to take naps…the last ones we’d probably get for a long time. To our surprise, the phone rang at 3:45 and it was our guide, Linda, telling us that she had some good news for us. Instead of leaving to get Annie at 5:15, we were asked to come sooner. Now, we were asked to be in the hotel lobby by 4:30! So we shot out of bed, took quick showers, changed into nice clothes, and kept thinking how the time had finally come. Colleen scurried back and forth gathering up all the necessary paperwork, Annie supplies, etc., while I sort of sat around waiting to be assigned a task. I was the camera guy, solely responsible for making sure the still and video cameras were ready, loaded, charged, etc. To say the least, it was a giddy moment.

Finally, we headed downstairs with loaded camera bag, orphanage donations (thanks to Lindsay and Cathy for their generosity!!!!!), paperwork, supply bag, and money. We quickly met the other two families in out group, the Howells and the Olivieris, and we boarded the minibus to the hotel across town where we’d receive our girls. The ride over was joyous and hopeful, and we all chatted easily about anything that came to mind. After about 15 minutes, we pulled up to the building, gushed out of the minivan and headed into the lobby. I remember remarking to Colleen that 18 months of waiting had been cut down to 5 minutes. Amazing. We went up to the third floor, and then down a hall to a semi-official looking waiting room with a few Chinese folks sitting around and waiting for something. We took seats as well, thinking these folks were, perhaps, orphanage officials. 2 minutes later, we were informed that this was a marriage approvals office and that we were supposed to go to the 4th floor. So, up we got and headed back to the elevators. Once in the 4th floor corridor, we were asked to just wait while our guide, Linda, talked things over with a couple of women who obviously knew what they were doing. The wait seemed long because we knew we were literally within seconds of getting our daughters and that they had to be somewhere very nearby.

A minute or two later we were escorted into a large room with white walls, polished wooden floors, and fake leather sofas. This would be the room in which we would get our daughters and see our lives changed forever. This is the room I had wondered about for 18 months, the one we would find our way to from 9,000 miles away, and that Annie would find her way to from 100 miles away. This was the room.

A pleasant Chinese woman cam in and introduced us to 3 women, each of whom was the director of one of the girls’ orphanages. They were all lovely, and obviously loved their little girls. Then, in came the girls. One by one, our names were called and, in each case, the mothers stepped forward while the fathers stayed back to film and take pictures. I was so busy trying to see if the first baby who came into the room was Annie that I almost missed Annie’s actual entrance. But here she was, tiny, fragile, adorable. She was wearing a yellow sun dress with a little cartoon character on the front and pink, transparent plastic sandals. It was hot out, so summer clothes were the only option…unlike her big sister who came to us in Wuhan in the dead of winter with about 20 pounds of clothes on.

I was very surprised. She was smaller than I thought she would have been and she didn’t cry. She seemed more stunned by the whole experience of all these new people than anything else. Her face was as straight and deadpan as it could be as Colleen took her into her arms. She looked Colleen in the eyes and seemed to think nothing. Then, she looked at me and seemed to say “I was expecting a bit more.” But still, no crying, no fussing. Just stunned silence. One of the other little girls was also being very quiet while the third was absolutely screaming her head off. All the adopted girls deal with this separation differently: some cry, some moan, some grieve quietly. In each case, though, they grieve, and we don’t blame them one bit. We’d grieve too, and probably much more pathetically than these beautiful little girls do.

15 minutes later we were back on the bus to the hotel. The whole thing was very efficient, and we were happy about that. Once up in the room, it was obvious that Annie had already bonded with Colleen. She hugged and held onto Colleen, and was very happy to snuggle in and get comfy. I was another story. Annie would look at me face to face and let me touch her and kiss her, but she would NOT let me hold her without letting our a cry. She was also not willing to let Colleen out of her sight. Annie (we call her “Sha Sha” because her Chinese name is Guo Sha, and we were told by the director that the ladies at her orphanage had taken to calling her Sha Sha…very cute little nick name!) and Colleen had bonded and, again, I am reminded that the parent-child bond is not genetic…it is emotional. Too often, people confuse the emotional attachment with biology, but biology doesn’t have much to do with parenthood other than the process of making and delivering a baby. Almost anyone can make and deliver a baby; after that, parenthood rests squarely in the hearts of parents and children, not in transferred DNA.

While playing on the floor back in the room, Annie continued to be stone-faced and very quiet. There was no attempt to play or to be proactive. She was simply still in shock. She would take things we gave her, and put them down as we gave her new things, but that was about it. At about 6:00, we took her down to one of the hotel restaurants where she ate a big meal of chicken congee, bread, pieces of French fries, and juice. She may be a bit despondent, but she had an appetite…which is always welcome news. We struck up conversations with a few families we hadn’t met yet (one from Long Island) and had a great first dinner together.

By 7:00, we were back upstairs. Colleen was getting Annie changed into her new jimmies while I quickly uploaded the first pictures of my daughter onto my laptop to email home to grandparents, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. Annie fell asleep on her back on our bed and, after 30 minutes or so Colleen picked up her limp little body and transferred it to her little crib in the other room. We put two nice blankets over her, shut the door, and marveled at how easy the first day had been. She was out, snoring like a lumberjack, and we looked forward to our first full day with her. What a blessing.